At the moment, it seemed like forever to me when I last sat down and typed in and feel the words rush.
Today, I am compelled to write again and keep this blog for a higher reason.. for a higher purpose. It's as if that the title of this blog spot was made for something greater as well. Destined.
Today, I am asking you, the reader, to treat this post as my first, as something fresh, something new. (Should you wish to read the past posts, then you are totally free to do it. Yet, that is something that I would like to leave behind - somewhere that I don't intend to live in.)
I would like to tell you the story of why I am urged to write again.
Today, I chose to forge ahead.
As a kid, I am very stubborn. I answer my parents back. I am strong willed that I thought I know everything. I was indeed a brat. I am an only child and knowing that my parents didn't have someone else to compare me to, I took advantage of that. High school and college days were no different. I graduated though because I listened attentively at class not because I study. It was maybe because of my parents' genes passed on to me that I had a great retention. I have actually created this make-believe story in my head that I am still a good daughter. Why? Because I follow those little rules like don't go home late, wash the dishes, iron your clothes, and do household chores. However, I am totally in pain while following those. My heart does not want to follow. I don't feel like being commanded to do something.
Yet, the last years of my college days changed. I came to know a church. I joined. I attended. I was trained. It changed me... a little. Then, after several months, I don't attend Sunday services anymore. I don't reply on my leader's messages anymore. I forgot that I am being trained.
To cut the story short, every step of the way was all ME. I don't listen. I don't follow. And yeah, you are right. It is the same thing when I was already working. I climbed up the ladder in my first BPO company servicing both residential and commercial US clients. I became a Shift Manager - thought that everything was really on my side. Handling almost 200 agents and 10 supervisors. I had the money. I had the position. I am having a blast! And I had the sweetest boyfriend, ever. I drowned with all of these.
As they say, easy come, easy go. In an instant, I lost everything. Recession in the US came. Clients pulled out their investments. The company had no choice but to close. So, I lost my job. I broke up with my boyfriend. I fought with my Dad day in day out, who just got out of the hospital for four months due to his COPD case (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary disease). I felt that nothing was right. Yet, I remembered, I can do anything and everything I want. I am strong willed. I am smart. But, that's what I thought.
I entered another company, a great one. I started out as a rank and file employee again because I really thought that this is better than handling people. All I'm going to do is handle myself, my own pressures and my everyday dilemmas. I will not think of taking care of people anymore and their everyday rants and grievances. I had several relationships as well. Yet, it destroyed me more than it built me. But, again, I know I will be fine. I had vices. I smoke roughly 12 sticks a day. Drink until I only have 2 hours to sleep and go to work again. In most cases, the typical life of a call center agent here in the Philippines. Take it or leave it. I had the money. I am very much okay with work. I can sustain the financial needs of my family. I had my own apartment. Living the time of my life, isn't it? Again, that's what I thought.
Until one day, when everything seemed to be fine, when everything feels good, everything seemed to fall right into their proper places, I realized I was empty. I came home to my apartment and as I entered the door, tears just won't stop falling. I had clearly no idea what's happening in me. When everything felt good, I realized that everything WAS NOT right and having fun was not really fun at all. At that time, I knew and accepted that I had hit rock bottom. I recognized. I am aware. So what do I do next? End my life? Of course not! I am not to take away something great that was freely given to me. I have no right to do that, not even a hint.
I saw my bible - the very same bible that I used when I joined that Church back in college, just sitting in my little shelf. I opened it and still could see the highlighted pages, with notes and the like. Until I ended up in the book of Jeremiah. There is just one verse highlighted on the page.
Jeremiah 33:3
Call to me and I will answer you and show you great and unsearchable things you do not know.
Call to me and I will answer you and show you great and unsearchable things you do not know.
Right at that moment, I knew I was called. I knew that I had the calling to go back to the Father's house, and into His arms again. And for the first time ever, I felt everything was right. It was humbling. The first thing that came into my mind was to call my college friend who continued His journey in spreading the Gospel with the same church. Now, my leader, the person I look up to as well, is his wife-to-be. Together, we are in the battlefield - to uphold the great commission - to win souls and make disciples. The rest of the story goes on and on.
From where I stumbled, He rose me up again. I am now a part of that church - to be honest, I am the Church - I am a Doulosian - a servant. With that experience, I chose to move forward with bold, humble steps. I am new. He directed my past and made me new. I am born again.
Therefore, If anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here. 2 Cor 5:17
Today, my miracle has come. I am born for this! I am not in this earth just to have fun, but I am here to conquer in His mighty name. And over and over and over, I will speak of His greatness and what He has done in my life.
Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly, we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed everyday. 2 Cor 4:16
Be merciful to those who doubt. Save others by snatching them from fire; to others show mercy, mixed with fear- hating even the clothing stained by corrupted flesh. Jude 22-23
Today, I recognize that I am destined to do this. I am urged to write again about His tremendous, stubborn love and grace for the lost - that they may find the path back to Him.
For I am not ashamed of the Gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes; first to the Jew then to the Gentiles For in the Gospel, the righteousness of God is revealed - a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just it is written: "the righteous will live by faith." Rom 1:16
Today, it is not all about me but it is all about what He wanted to do through me. He made me this way because of a purpose. He designed me like this because he wanted me to prosper and be a blessing to others. I might have lost a lot but I gained more.
But whatever was to my profit, I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. Phil 3:7-8
Today, there is no way for me to look back and regret. There is no way for me not forgive because I, myself was forgiven. There is no way for me not to love the unlovable because I was loved back when I was unlovable. I am aware that it's going to get rough and tough in this battle and the enemy is getting ready too but there is one and only way to win this - my eyes, fixed in You and my knees at Your feet - Jesus.
But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward Phil 3:13
I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you really know me, you will know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him. John 14:6
Today, I know, You will rewrite my story. Indeed, this is where love was found.
D.
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